Too fat to fish?

One of my all time favorite comedians, the great Artie Lang, most known for his amazing work in the epic classic "Beerfest", wrote a book and titled it "too fat to fish"- after his father told him exactly that when he was younger. No- this isnt a random rambling, its actually the exact thing that came to mind today as i nearly lost a limb due to a too tight dress in H&M on 5th ave in New York.  I had an early morning meeting and a late afternoon meeting today, so during the hours in between I decided to hit up H&M and see if they had anything cute (see: cheap) for me to rock on New Years Eve.  I took my arm full of size 4 and size 6 clothing upstairs to the dressing room and proceeded to try on the # 1 score of the day, a long sleeved sequins sheath dress that would look amazing with some gray tights and black booties.  Cut to 3 minutes later- dress is stuck over my head, one arm lodged in the zipper, and I am trying to remember if there is anything sharp enough inside my bag to cut this ridiculously small dress off my apparently large body.  What the hell is with H&M teasing people with cute dresses in fake sizes? After i took a deep breath, pulled with all my might and freed myself from the dress (which towards the end began to choke me), I decided on a classy pair of sweatpants and a baggy tank top, that will work really well in the below frigid temps of NH where I will be staying for the next week.  Too fat to fish, more like to smart to try on a size 4 in that store again.  Im sure it didnt help that I had two full course dinners on Saturday night- but whose business is that really?